Coming OM

1 year ago, almost to the day my hopes and dreams crashed and burned, my love was rejected and I was placed inside a taxi and told to have a great life, one that didn’t include him. Two months later a career I was excelling in was swiped from under my feet along with my sense of purpose. These two stories could have controlled me and sent me under the covers to cry – well, they did for a period, but after the sobs turned into manageable tears’ I decided to flip my life and explore. So, here I am 6 months into my travels, four months managing a yoga and meditation retreat and living my best life. Yep, that’s right, I manage a yoga retreat and a pretty good one too! Writing each day has become practice, so, I thought I’d share some of these musings.

Nine times out of ten the guests at the retreat come for the same reason, each has the same story but told slightly differently, loneliness, crushing careers, a life-changing event that has thrown them into a world unknown, with most feeling like they don’t fit into our manufactured society, they feel alien to this world. Firstly, you are not alone; most of the people around you feel the same, but it’s our conditioning that makes us believe that we cannot reach out for help or we are a burden for doing so. I think I can speak for most of us if a friend or even a stranger were to ask us for help, we would. We are designed for community, to hold others and be held.

Crying, we are so ashamed and apologetic when we cry, myself included. To hold emotions in creates Internal trauma, the emotion builds in our throats, our shoulders tighten, our chests roll in, our jaws ache and we find ourselves unable to say how we feel and what is important. How many times have we wanted to say something but were unable to as that lump in our throat is blocking the words and the moment passes? Equally seeing someone cry can evoke uncomfortableness in us as we haven’t been shown how to display and see vulnerability. When someone cries, say nothing, and do not interrupt with a hug, just hold space, and let them express how they feel. A dear friend has shown me the path of expression, he holds space for me and encourages me to speak through the tears, telling me It’s okay. It’s such a simple act, but not many of us know how to do this and it’s one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

Stillness and silence are where we will find all of our answers. Reading self-help books, and watching endless Instagram videos on how to overcome certain periods of your life will unlikely help you. Only you know what you want and need and the only way to find it is to shut that brain off and sit with how you feel and listen to your heart.

Meditation is not about being comfortable it’s about learning to sit with and in discomfort. At times your mind will drift off to fantasy lands, to a love lost, a love wished or that laundry pile waiting for you at home, and that is ok, we aren’t monks, most of us don’t live in a place dedicated to prayer and self-realisation. We can only work in our environment and choosing to take time to sit is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Some days meditation is easy, others not so much. Our mind likes to be entertained, so on the days when thoughts whirl around, I take myself (mentally) to a beach and walk, watching each foot sink into the sand, passports aren’t needed when you can travel anywhere in your mind. Mediation isn’t just sitting with your eyes closed, it’s a state of mind, have you ever been so engrossed in a task that time has seemingly vanished? That is meditation. Being present is mediation.

Praying has been a part of my practice for the past year, I’m not religious but I do have a belief system. I have prayed to Mother Earth, the universe and my ancestors, and it evolved the more I have come to understand. We come from Mother Earth, the stars, and the molecules from a time long before us, so, we are really praying to ourselves, for the “divine’ is within all of us, we are the higher power, we just need to find it.

Heartbreak is a lesson of attachment. This is a journey I am still on, but what I have learned is that we cannot move past the pain until we recognise what it is about the loss that we are attached to. Write it down and start to let it go. The art of peace is to live a life of non-attachment, which is easier said than done, and the only people I have met who have mastered this have either lived as spiritual masters or dwell in a cave, alone.

Yoga does not mean getting your leg over your head or being able to balance on one hand and do not compare yourself to those that can. Yoga is a place to show up for yourself and love. Dedicating time for you and you alone, moving your body in a way that works for you. Yoga does not need to be in a room full of people, 20 minutes in your living room is probably better for you. I show myself love every day, I rise with the sun, practice for 30 minutes, followed by 5 minutes of breath work and finish off with a 25-minute meditation. Any time you can give yourself is enough, but I urge you to do it every day, trust me you will feel so much better for it.

Manifesting a dream life isn’t possible without willpower and concentration. That seems pretty obvious, but so many people write down a list of wishes and dreams, throw it into the fire and leave it down to divine intervention, don’t get me wrong I have done the same, but now I’ve come to realise that only thing that is going to make those dreams come true is me. I manifest that I will wake up each day with positive energy and attraction to anything that is for my higher purpose.

You are meant to be exactly where you are, even if that is somewhere where you don’t want to be. There are lessons in everything and what you put out is what you will receive. I used to hate this kind of spiritual bypassing and saying this to someone who has had a great loss in their life is pretty unkind even if said with good intentions. However, my interpretation of the above is that through any kind of trouble, there is a lesson, it could be your discovery of inner strength and boundaries or a path to help someone in the future who may go through a similar trail. Life will throw us into some pretty tricky situations, how you take it on is a matter of perspective, for example, two people are in the sea, and a big wave approaches them, one thinks “shit, that’s going to hurt”, and the other “wow, that looks like fun”.

What is the purpose of life? A question asked almost every week during our spiritual talks’. The answer is simple, live life with joy, in the moment and help others. We tend to attach happiness to other people and specific events, but joy is in everyday moments we just need to pay attention. Show compassion, care and love to everyone that comes your way. Love is wonderful and we should give love without expecting it in return, expectations of love returned is where the pain lies.

This is the journey so far, and it’s been an interesting ride and dive into my inner soul with more growth to come and I can’t wait to see what else I am to rediscover about myself, and I say rediscover as all of the answers are within (hahaha, I know, I can hear myself).